Life is hard and the wounds left by its treacherous journey of valleys and mountaintops can be deep. Most of us have faced more battles than we know what to do with, as we swing against rejection, loneliness, financial ruin, loss, and pain. Parenting challenges and family wounds can leave us limping. Repeated broken hearts leave us mutilated, emaciated, and weak. The wounds left by those battles can sometimes leave a bitter root that, if left unattended, can develop a full-fledged tree of offense.
Some of us aren’t even aware of how deep or offensive our offense actually is. We aren’t aware that some cringe when they see us coming because we’ve carried the weight of offense for far too long and the stench of its odor leaves a lasting impression long after we’ve left a room. We wear our offense as a badge of honor. I told her where she could go with that attitude! I sure told them off! I made sure they knew where they could stick their…. You get the point.
Many of us are in the fight of our lives with our children, spiritual walk, mental health, finances, and more. We are tired and stressed and overwhelmed. And yet, we don’t know how to fight effectively in the spirit, because we’re too busy fighting things that don’t matter, becoming offended and wasting time, energy, and effort fighting temporary things. We get bowed up and worked up by things that won’t make a difference in the end. We cannot win the wars we’re in, when we do not know who we fight. May you be blessed and challenged as you read 6 key ways to become un-offendable:
1. Recognize the plan of the enemy.
Satan comes to cause division. He comes to steal your joy, kill your hope, and destroy the strong friendships and relationships you hold. He creates division and disunity. He comes to wreak havoc in every area of your life. It is his plan for your heart to be easily wounded, such that you need to lash out at others. It’s his plan for you to harbor unforgiveness that grows into a bitter root. Know who you war against. You do not war against flesh and blood enemies. (See Eph. 6:10-12).
2. Evaluate the root.
Hurt births offense. What’s going on beneath the surface? Are you hurting from an old wound? Has the death of a loved one lingered and caused you to lash out at others in pain? Did the divorce or lost relationship cause you to lose joy and become bitter? Are you personally irritated with an individual, making all they say and do offensive to you? Have you taken the time to heal from the things that you have endured? Have you sat with your Heavenly Father and allowed Him to do the heart surgery that is necessary?
3. Assess the truth.
Often offense comes from misunderstandings or a lack of communication. Take the time to assess the truth about the situation. Don’t assume that another person meant to hurt you or the situation is worse than it is. Sometimes, the email really wasn’t meant to hurt you and the words weren’t meant to cut you. Perhaps you are simply vulnerable, right now and misread the situation. Let’s issue grace to one another instead of assumptions, as we evaluate intentions behind words and actions. Further, let’s ensure that the truth of what we believe is rooted in our identity in Christ Jesus.
4. Bask in the presence of the spirit.
Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. There is freedom to forgive quickly and move on. There is freedom from anger and bitterness. There is freedom from a bound life of constant offense. The more we know the Holy Spirit intimately and His leadership, comfort, and guidance, the more we can lay down the burden of offense. Offense is a habit that we must learn to break.
5. Others' thoughts aren't our problem
The way someone thinks about you isn’t your problem. If they gossip or lie or think ill of your intentions, it doesn’t matter. God is our ultimate vindicator so we don’t have to right every wrong or address every untruth or confront every liar. We don’t have to live our lives on a mission to ensure we address what they did or said. It doesn’t matter. They are often operating from their own unhealed wounds and there is too much that God has called you to do to be wandering in the wilderness of someone else’s opinion. Take your right place as a redeemed, restored, righteous daughter of the King, called for a purpose, and lay the rest down.
6. Forgive easily.
Forgive when it isn’t deserved. Forgive when they don’t ask for it. Forgive often and easily. A root of offense has no time to grow or form or wreak havoc in our lives, when we are quick to forgive. Now, this is no small feat, no doubt! But the easier we move through forgiveness, the easier offense is to battle. Be reminded of all you’ve been forgiven of.
