Single moms, in a time when humans are more connected technologically than ever before with access to others quite literally across the world, we have never been more disconnected in authentic friendships. Sure, we have plenty of social media friends and likes, but many single moms are struggling with meaningful relationships that are life-giving and nurturing. We have access to thousands of connections in an instant through the convenience of a device in our hands, and sadly, many lack true relationships that promote growth in our walk with the Lord and add a richness to our lives.
This is why we exist! We exist to see that no single mom walks alone by first teaching her that Christ walks with her, but second to teach her how to connect to other single moms in community small group settings.
We have launched over 2,000 single mom support groups in churches throughout the United States. We believe there is great value in single moms connecting to one another, particularly in church settings, where they can grow in their walk with the Lord. However, joining a single moms’ group is only a first step. How do you move from lonely, disconnected, and isolated to flourishing with many friendships and a few deep friendships? Below you will find 7 honest questions to ask yourself regarding friendships and your ability to develop, maintain, and engage in meaningful friendships.
1. Am I Faithful and dependable?
John 15:13 says: “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Psalm 145:13 says, "The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.”
Proverbs 3:3-4 says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart"
The very character of our God is faithfulness and dependability. He is steady and able to be trusted. We are to be constantly reliable and trustworthy in our relationships, even when it requires a sacrifice on our part. Some have been unreliable and unpredictable in friendships making it hard to retain friends. Are you constantly late? If you say that you are going to show up, do others believe you? Do you cancel plans often? Are you predictable and steady or are you a loose cannon, often moody and ruled by your emotions?
2. Are you a warrior?
People are not looking for victims. They are looking for Believers to fight the good fight of faith with them. They are looking for those who will be strong and courageous.
Ephesians 6:11, "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes."
Romans 8:39, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."
James 5:16, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. "
People need to know that we are prayer warriors, life-givers, and our actions and words will align with Scripture. They need to know that we aren’t just saying we will pray for them, but that we actually will. They need to know that our prayers will avail much. They need to know that we will pray for their family like you pray for your own. Good friendships ebb and flow, and certainly there are times when you will need the prayer and holding up on your arms, but you cannot always be the one who is a drain on the relationship.
3. Are you an iron sharpener?
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Are you honest with people, or do you simply talk about them behind their backs? Do you share God’s truth with your friends, causing people to be better for having been around you? Do you speak life, causing people to ponder and pause about the things you are saying? Do you operate in wisdom? And, do you do so in love? Some people, “tell people the truth about themselves,” but lack love. If you lack love, the Bible says you are a “clanging symbol or resounding gong” according to 1 Corinthians 13:1. You must be willing to sharpen iron through truth and love. A good friend offers this strength to another friend.
4. Are you easily offended?
Some people have had iron sharpeners in your life - good friends who tell the truth and sharpen you - but you are so quick to be offended that it is hard for people to continue to be your friend. Be careful that you are not shutting the door for godly friends to tell you the truth. Be teachable. We must not refuse to receive instruction – to grow, to mature in your walk with the Lord.
Proverbs 19:11 NIV says, "A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense"
Ephesians 4:31 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."
5. Are you addicted to social media?
Addiction of any kind is hard to be friends with. The Lord has paid a beautiful price for you to be free in every area and that includes freedom from endless social media scrolling and addiction. Social media creates a false sense of reality. Nothing is more frustrating than being in a room with people you attempt to spend time with and they are so addicted to their phones that all they know how to do is scroll – even when they are live, in a moment with someone else. We see this a lot in teenagers and young adults, but we have seen it just as much in thirty and forty-somethings. Start locking your phone and putting it away. Start timing how often you are looking at your phone in an hour. No one wants to keep up with a façade of fun from your Facebook page.
5. Are you addicted to social media?
Are you needy in the practical sense? In the practical sense, yes, friendships are wonderful and helping one another out is part of the value of friendships. However, when you are constantly looking for someone to fix your problems and bail you out, that is exhausting and a sure-fire way to lose a friendship, quick. Are you always on the receiving end of the friendship, or are you also generous with your time, talent, and treasure?
Proverbs 25:17 says, “Don’t visit your neighbors too often, or you will wear out your welcome.” This simply means that too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Do not suck the life out of people.
Are you insecure in the spiritual sense? No one can complete you. No friend can complete you. You cannot expect a friend to give you what only God can give you. Your completion is found in the blood of Christ Jesus. Your identity is found in Him. If you constantly need someone to validate you, that will become exhausting for others. If you need them to validate the friendship often, you will likely run them off. Asking questions like, “Hey, did I do something to offend you?” or “Are we still friends? I haven’t heard from you in a while,” can definitely be off-putting.
7. Are you fun?
Are you willing to try new things? Are you adventurous? Are you willing to get outside your comfort zone and take the exercise class or go on the trip to the new location? Are you willing to do something silly like sing karaoke in front of strangers?
Proverbs 17:22 ESV A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
John 10:10 in AMP says, “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).
