Single moms, you need to know that you are a treasure to your Heavenly Father. The Creator of Heaven and Earth, formed you in your mother’s womb and He knows you by name. He has numbered the hairs of your heart. He has plans and purposes for your life that are not thwarted, just because you happen to be parenting alone.
Moms, you are doing a better job than you think. Let’s face it. Along the journey of single parenting, the road can be winding and full of bumps and bruises, and it can sometimes make us feel like giving up, that it’s too hard. The stamina it takes to persevere in single parenting can seem unattainable. The truth? Your children are likely not holding a lengthy list of compliments for you when you pick them up from school, right? Most of you are not showered with endless applause and pats on the back on what a great job you are doing. We know it gets hard. Some days are great, while others are …less-than-great! The important thing is knowing that you are not alone!
The Lord says in His Word that He will never leave you according to Hebrews 13:5-6, so we must stand on that in the days that we do not feel valued or seen or surrounded by the Lord’s provision. And here are a few other things you will need to remember on those tough days, too, from our team:
1. you will make it!
It may not seem like it today. There may be a battle facing you that is larger than you have ever seen before. The mountain could be huge. The finances may make no sense on paper when you review the income versus expenses. The children may be more disobedient or disruptive than you have ever seen them. The weight of grief may feel particularly hard this week. But hear us well on this. You will make it! There is a season for all parts of your life, and even if this is the most difficult season you have ever faced, the children will one day grow up. The season will indeed change. Check out Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. You will look back and laugh at the things that caused you tears today. There will be a season of dancing and laughing and rejoicing, one day, even if it isn’t today. You will smile at your grandchildren one day. You will be able to celebrate.
2. learn to ignore the naysayers.
God is your source, not mere man. Be good with God. Stay in right-standing with Him. There will always be one or two who have negative thoughts to share. It does not really matter if you are a single mom, married mom, childless, teen, senior, woman, man…. there will ALWAYS be critics. Maybe they do not understand your journey. Maybe they even mean well. Maybe they are simply miserable in their own lives. Whatever the case, learn to hear from God, discerning His voice, His wisdom, and His instruction, and get good and ignoring the ones around you who always have something negative to say. Watch the power of their words that you grant them over your life. Be careful to be kind and guard against offense, but ignore them nonetheless!
3. Learn to forgive.
Perhaps there is no greater command in the Kingdom of God than forgiveness. Jesus modeled forgiveness in the Lord’s prayer and further told us to forgive 70 x 7 in Matthew 18:21-22. We are likewise commanded in Scripture to interrupt our offering in the house of the Lord, when we have an offense against another, and go make it right first in Matthew 5: 23-24. Unforgiveness is a big deal. Maybe you went through a terrible divorce or lost a spouse unexpectedly to cancer. Maybe you were in a relationship that you hoped would last forever, and it did not. Maybe you had some unaddressed anger against your ex. Perhaps you are mad at yourself. Perhaps you underwent unspeakable hardship or abuse. You must learn to forgive. Ask the Lord for His forgiveness first, as needed, then forgive yourself when you may have failed. Forgive the ex who treated you poorly. Forgive your children when they have not done well in school. Forgive the boss who fired you unfairly. Forgive your ex-mother-in-law. Learn to do it well and often.
4. Manage your money well.
It does not matter where you may fall on the socio-economic ladder. The importance of managing your money well will never be a principle that you will outgrow. If you have a little, right now, learn to be faithful and diligent with a little. (See Luke 16:10). If God blesses you with a new job - a better one - be sure to be diligent with that one, as well. If you grow into having much financially, commit to managing that well. Take a money management course online. Enroll in a financial education class or Single Mom University®. Take the time to invest in yourself to learn money management techniques from the Word of God (and life skills tools too), so that money is not always the biggest stressor in your life.
5. Do not be a victim of comparison.
While there will be similarities that you share with other single mothers, there are also differences. Your past circumstances do not define you. Comparison will steal your joy. It will prevent you from doing the things you were uniquely created to do. You were created first for worship of your King and then with Kingdom calling on the earth. You cannot compare what someone else has accomplished, what they have had to endure, or how your struggle may have been harder. Everyone has their story. Everyone. Do not assume you know someone’s struggle. And do not fall prey to comparison.
6. Get plugged in.
Psalm 68:6 says, “God places the lonely in families.” Do not isolate and complain about loneliness. We must choose to plant in community. We must have accountability. We must serve others. We must not forsake the gathering of Believers. Make the decision to connect with a local house of worship or a Bible study with like-minded Believers. This is a critical part of one’s walk with the Lord, often bringing strength to our journey.
Did you know...?
Our Ministry has helped to launch or improve thousands of single mom support groups across the nation. If you are looking to get plugged in, be sure to check out our map (HERE) to find a group near you today. Can't find one in your area? Consider starting one! We can help. Fill out the Tell Us How You're Doing form HERE and let's get started.
7. Do not be easily offended.
Offense is the bait of Satan. It is a strategy he uses to distract, deceive, and disappoint. If we are constantly offended with what “they” said or what “he” did, we are unable to move with purpose to the tasks, callings, and assignments the Lord has given us each day. Offense requires an intentional harboring of unforgiveness, which we are explicitly warned to avoid in Scripture. The foundation of the Gospel is forgiveness at the foot of the Cross. As we receive the forgiveness of our Savior, we must then offer that overflow of grace, mercy, and forgiveness to others – deserving or not.
8. Watch your mouth.
Many single moms, usually due to some form of hurt, pain, or disappointment, become bitter Bettys, often speaking words of death and cursing versus life and blessing. Your mouth matters. Ask the Lord to help you keep it closed when its content does not honor Him. Ask the Lord to teach you how to exercise self-control with the words you say about yourself and others. Speak blessings over your children. Speak blessings over friends and family and yourself. Use the Word of God as a sword that speaks truth and hope and life, not death and hopelessness. What flows from your lips matters.
