The challenges that single moms face today can be overwhelming, which can lead to a sense of hopelessness and unfulfillment. In my own experience as a new single mom of two elementary school-age children, I honestly didn’t know what to expect from this unfamiliar parental role. My daughter was in the fourth grade and my son in the second when their dad and I separated and divorced. A year later, I experienced an unforeseen job loss. We moved to a small town in a different state, where I started an exciting new job with hopes of a fresh start for our single-parent family.
During the first few weeks of school after our move, my son brought home a flyer for an event later entitled, “Donuts with Dad.” After thinking about it, I felt like I had been sucker punched in the gut. I didn’t know what to say to him as he waited for my response. Calling his father was not an option. He was an absent parent with little to no contact with our children. For the first time as a single mother, I felt a sense of hopelessness wash over me. I didn’t like the current predicament I found myself in.
This kind of hopelessness can quickly become a roadblock to happiness and stifle your joy as a single mom if you let it.
In Psalms 127:3, it says, “Children are a heritage and a gift from the Lord.” Regardless of how you became a single mom, it does not change the fact that you are a daughter of our Heavenly Father, and your importance and value to Him remain unchanged. Children are a gift from Him, and so is motherhood. God created motherhood through Eve at the beginning of Creation. In Genesis 3:20, “Adam named his wife Eve, as she would become the mother of all the living.” Motherhood was created by God, for God, and in accordance with His purposes for the family throughout the world. You are a valuable asset to God, and you have a grand purpose in being a single mom.
One of my favorite scripture verses is Jeremiah 31:3, which reminds us that God loves us with an everlasting love and pursues us with an unfailing kindness. This is not like the earthly love we may have experienced from others, which can be fickle and conditional on our performance or behavior. God’s unconditional love is a solid foundation on which we can firmly place our identity. It is deeply satisfying to the core of our souls!
How can you maintain a healthy level of satisfaction as a single mom? We are going to explore three different ways that helped me.
Value Who God Created You to Be
We live in a society that is more engaged on social media platforms than ever before. Recent estimates claim that 70% of the U.S. adult population uses Facebook. Social media can have both good and bad effects on our self-image and mental health. A positive attribute of social media use is that it connects people to each other and gives access to important information about events. It even offers community groups that connect single moms to each other. On the opposite spectrum, cyberbullying on social media has affected nearly 70% of users, as stated in an article published in Psychology Today, “Stop Seeking Validation from Others.” Bullying online can lead to increases in depression and low self-esteem. Seeking validation from the number of likes on our posts can lead to an addiction to the praise and acceptance of people.
The good news is that a rich and satisfying self-worth can be found in who God says we are, beloved daughters, children of the King of Kings. You were created by God as a unique, valuable, and unconditionally loved child, made in his likeness. Psalms 139:14 says,
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
As a child of God, you don’t have to prove your worth because God’s love is not based on your performance or your past. His love is perfect and satisfies the deepest longings of your soul.
Make self-care a priority
Be intentional about taking care of your physical and mental health. Exercise has been proven to increase positive brain endorphins, producing joy while decreasing stress. Set a goal to take a walk, ride a bike, or enjoy an exercise class a few times a week. Encourage your kids to participate and make it a family time to enjoy being outdoors.
Self-care also includes taking a break and enjoying downtime. Single moms are always on the go and need time to recharge and rejuvenate their souls. As a single mom, I connected with a single mom's group at a local church, which gave me opportunities to meet new friends. We supported each other, prayed for each other, and watched each other's kids. We also shared a meal together once a week. We encouraged each other and our children. If you can’t find a single mom’s group, then start your own!
Other types of self-care include a healthy diet, a healthy weight, and seeking emotional and mental health resources when needed. As a single mom, there were times when I consulted with a Christian counselor for myself and my children. It’s important to recognize the signs of depression in yourself and your children and get professional help when you need it.
Join a church family
As a single mother, my church family was invaluable to me and my two children. This spiritual family gave us unconditional love and a judgment-free environment to grow and thrive. My son developed a strong bond with our youth pastor, who taught him to play the guitar. He played in the youth band and developed lifelong friendships. My daughter went on a mission trip to Puerto Rico, where she helped lead a bible study for poverty-stricken children. My children were surrounded by adults who loved them and who invested in their spiritual growth.
Our church family also prayed for us and supported our family during the difficult times. I’m a witness to the power of prayer and how it can change the circumstances of our lives for the better. God says in his word, “And we know that all things work for the good to those who love him and have been called to his purpose” Romans 8:28.
In closing, only the unconditional love of our Heavenly Father can truly fill us and satisfy our spiritual hunger and thirst. Jesus said, “ I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” John 6:35.
I love this quote that portrays the strength of a single mom. “I never knew how strong I was until being strong was all I had.” Anonymous
