Did I just do that right? Am I ruining my kids? Will I ever be able to find a husband? These are just a few of the dozens of questions single moms roll around in their heads every day. The constant battle of self-doubt and whether or not we can figure it all out, make the right choices, and not ruin our kids in the meantime, is not a battle exclusive to the single mom. ALL moms struggle with self-doubt at one time or another. Why? Because the enemy of our souls – Satan – roams around like a lion, seeking whom he may devour.
Winning the battle of self-doubt is rooted in understanding who you are in Christ, who you belong to, and how He created you. Once we understand who we are, the true essence of who we are – identity rooted in Christ alone, that’s when we are able to overcome self-doubt, insecurity, fear, worry, and any number of other emotional and spiritual challenges thrown our way.
So….that begs the question. Who are you? It seems like a simple enough question, doesn’t it? But think about it for just a moment. Who are you? What are the first things that enter into your mind in response to that question? When meeting a new friend or colleague, we tend to spout off a list of roles we answer to. I’m a mom, wife, sister, aunt, or friend. Or maybe we answer with a job title. I’m a teacher, hair dresser, administrative assistance, or business owner. Perhaps we begin to discuss a current or future project. I’m writing a book, joining the church choir, or launching a single mom’s ministry in my community.
When most of us are asked who we are, we tend to respond with what we do. As women, we are doers by nature. We are always fixing someone or something. We hold life together, don’t we?
As women, we often see to all the details and little things that help us (and others around us) to function smoothly throughout the day. We are chauffeurs, counselors, dishwashers, consultants, chefs, clothes washers, and fixer-of-all-boo-boo’s. And all of that is fine, when it’s in proper perspective. The danger lies in the doing becoming the defining.
This is an important truth to understand in the steps of battling self-doubt. Our “doing” of laundry and homework and car pool and counseling our children can dangerously become our defining, if we are not rooted in our identity in Christ. Yes, doing the work of the Lord (family, ministry, etc.) is important, but so is simply resting in who God created you to be. We must be careful that our doing doesn’t become our identity. We cannot be swayed by performance and accolades and busyness. Self-imposed doing often creates self-doubt. As daughters of the King, we can always rest in knowing who He says we are, even when we don’t feel we are doing enough.
Then, he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter replied, “You are the Messiah.” Mark 8:29 NLT
This is fascinating. Jesus wanted to know if the disciples fully understood who He is. They were witnessing His miracles and experiencing first-hand His presence. Yet, Jesus knew it was important that the disciples understood exactly who He is. The same is true for us. We must fully understand who Jesus is in us, to fully understand who we are, in Him. Jesus’ doing wasn’t His defining. His value was and still is in resting in His position at the right hand of the Father. You are a daughter of the King! Rest in that position. Stop doubting every move you make, because “this isn’t how it’s supposed to be” or “I never expected to be here.”
Only one thing is eternal – our relationship with Jesus. Beauty fades. Positions change. Titles come and go. Unfortunately, relationships sometimes fail. Friends and family sometimes pass away. Children grow up. When what our children do and say becomes our everything, we must refocus. When a platform of ministry (such as Sunday school teacher, member of the choir, author of a book, or anything else for that matter) becomes our worth, we must refocus. When our doing becomes our defining, we will doubt ourselves!
When anything – anything at all – determines who we are, we must desperately seek the Word of God to set our sights on what He says about who we are. The same is true in how we see other Believers too. We cannot be concerned with the size of bank accounts or job titles or marital statuses. None of those things matter.
We are daughters of the living God, the King, bought by the blood of the Lamb. We are not defined by what we do – whether good or bad – rather by what Jesus did on the Cross for us. We can never earn more love from our Lord. He loves us infinitely.
We are all hopeful of one day hearing, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” from our Heavenly Father. But we must understand that striving for excellence is not about earning a position, title, or platform, and certainly not about earning our Heavenly Father’s loves. It isn’t about minimizing our mess-ups, so that we can achieve perfectionism, for we will surely never get there! It isn’t about becoming anything. What defines who we are is about simply being. Being a daughter of the Creator of Heaven. Being his beloved. Being chosen to spend eternity with him is who we are and there’s great rest in that knowledge, so be blessed and rest today. Relinquish fear and self-doubt. Know who you are because of whose you are.
