The topic of Christian dating is one of the many questions we are asked regularly, as you can imagine. We are asked often, "Are all the godly men gone? Are there any Christian men who are still single? Is it possible to find a godly man in today's age?" First, let's come out of the gate with an emphatic Yes. Yes, there are godly Christian men upholding God's standards. Yes, there are good men of high integrity. Yes, there are godly men with admirable character who want to marry and form a family unit.
Single moms, if we aren't careful, we can have untrue, unfair, or unrealistic thoughts about men due to past hurt, trauma, and a remnant of pain from a failed relationship. Those thoughts can span the scope of everything from "No good man would ever want me" to "There are no good men left" to "What man would want a ready-made family?” These thoughts and statements are unfair to men, just as it would be unfair for them to say similar things about their female counterparts. We need to trust the Lord with our futures in all areas.
We can even convince ourselves that we would never find a good Christian man that would want us because we have children. But that is not true! And we must stop speaking these things over our lives. The power of life and death, blessings and cursing, comes from our mouths. God knows the desire of our hearts and for the vast majority of you reading this, you will one day marry.
There are some questions that are important to consider as you embark upon this journey of Christian dating, however. Start by asking yourself, “Do I want a godly man or do I just want a man?” The answer to this question is critical in determining whether or not you are even healthy enough to move into a dating relationship. You have to be willing to wait on a godly man and forego all the others who may present themselves. God wants His best for you! This will require patience and intentionality, and even a willingness to sacrifice your plans before the Lord.
Is this man really a Christian or am I trying to convince myself he is? This is an important question, also. Many women convince themselves that it is okay to date an unbeliever, because their witness may one day lead him to the Lord. This is not Scriptural and often is merely an excuse to ignore the Lord's prompting that this is not the one for us! It is far more likely that his influence will cause you to stumble into ungodly territory. Don't make excuses. You have not been called to lead him to Christ, as a dating partner. (You can certainly witness to him, or refer him to a local men's Bible study at your church!) However, if you are a Believer who is dating or considering dating a non-Christian, just don't. Yes, he is loved by God. And yes, his soul is important. So point him to a local church or godly mentor and keep it moving. Trust us! We're saving you some heartache (which you likely already know)!
Once you have wrestled with those two questions, here’s what you need to know about how to find a godly man:
First and foremost, be a godly woman. Your future Christian husband will one day likely appreciate your modesty, chastity, holiness, and godly standards. Women, this world has nothing to offer that is better than our God's plan for our lives. Any temporary satisfaction of sin is fleeting and its negative impact far more long-lasting. Start thinking about what you want in a husband and start (or continue) portraying similar qualities in your own life. Be the woman who is seeking God's kingdom above all else. Be the woman who prays without ceasing, works hard to provide for her children, and parents those babies well. Be the woman who attends church regularly, avoids ungodly talk or behavior, and suffers nothing to laziness. In other words, love God first and seek His heart for your life, so that you are ready, when a godly man comes along.
Proverbs 31:11 – “Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.” Enrich means “to add to”. You cannot add to a man’s life when you are looking to take from him. You cannot be on the hunt for a man to father your kids, to pay your bills, or to complete you.
Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity….When she speaks her words are wise.” How does a woman with strength and dignity carry herself? (no short skirts, no boobs out) If you are in the middle of Walmart cussing your child, are you using wise words? Does that attract a man?
Be wise. Be discerning. Be familiar with God’s word. Spend time in it. The more entrenched you are in the word of God, the easier you can hear His voice. When Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome comes along, you'll be able to clearly hear whether or not this is the guy for you and won't be sidetracked by the distractions of the enemy.
Proverbs 24:3 “A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense.”
Proverbs 24:12 “Don’t excuse yourself by saying, ‘Look, we didn’t know.’ For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows what you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.”
Do not say you did not know it was wrong to have sex with a man outside of marriage, use profanity, dress immodestly, or operate in levels of unholy living. Do not compromise. Too much is at stake.
Don’t be in a hurry. God is not a god of haste or impulsivity. Be patient. God's best will be far better than you can think or imagine. He knew you before you were even born, and He knows the best man for you. He has orchestrated a divine encounter with your future husband at the perfect time. Don't rush it. Work on you, while you wait on him.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the sun.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Be prepared. Are you ready to marry? Have you prepared? Are you working towards your financial, spiritual, emotional, and physical health goals? Are you leaning into the presence of God - growing in your walk with Him? Do you carry yourself the way a wife would? Have you healed from past trauma? Are you working on your physical health? Are you growing in your parenting journey to raise your children well? Do you have strong boundaries?
