Can I get real with you for a second? When I became a single mom, I HATED being labeled that way. I never aspired to that name. Whenever someone mentioned it, I instantly felt so defective, so unwanted.
Maybe you can relate?
As single moms, we often feel forgotten about. Overlooked. Shamed. You may have been told that being a single mom marks you as a failure – and maybe you’ve even believed it.
But what if I told you that God has a special place in His heart, just for single moms? That you have not been forgotten by Him, but have actually been chosen by Him?
I know what you’re thinking – “Lord, couldn’t you have chosen me to like...win the lottery?” As great as that sounds, what God has chosen you for is something so important, so valuable, that even winning the lottery doesn’t come close.
And He’s going to use your brokenness and singleness to give it to you.
The God Who Sees Single Moms (Hagar’s Story)
If you’ve never spent much time in Genesis, I want to give you a quick rundown on Hagar. She’s the Bible’s first recorded single mom. It all started back when Abraham and his wife, Sarah, were not able to conceive a child. God had promised them a child but they were getting a little…well, elderly. So in her impatience, Sarah insisted that Abraham take her maidservant, Hagar, and make her his wife. The plan was for Hagar to have a child by Abraham, so Sarah could turn around and raise the baby as her own.
I know you can see where this is going. You gotta know the Bible is so much better than reality TV.
When you think about your all-time backfires, this idea of Sarah’s tops the list. Hagar does become pregnant, but she sort of sees who has the real power now and holds it over Sarah’s head, Gloaty McGloaterson style. In her rage, Sarah ends up retaliating and abusing Hagar, so badly in fact that Hagar runs away to escape the maltreatment.
She runs away to the desert. It was that bad.
Pregnant and homeless, Hagar is huddled up weeping beside a well when she has an encounter with THE Almighty God.
God in the form of the Angel of the Lord personally comforts Hagar. He tells her this isn’t the end of the story; He plans to bless her and make her into the mother of many nations. And to make sure she never forgets, He tells her to give her child a special name – Ishmael, which means “God hears.”
Now let me tell you something; this part of Hagar’s story appears in Genesis 16 (which is super early in the Bible, and human history). Do you know how many people up to this point in time had had such a personal, one-to-one experience with God? Not many. And that’s what makes Hagar’s story so special. God chose her – a cast off, abused, and exploited woman. A woman who was definitely not part of the “in crowd.”
After this visitation, Hagar is stunned. She’s thinking, “Who am I that God would show me His goodness like this?!” It was clear now that God had a specific calling and purpose for her life. Hagar knew, without a doubt, that God saw her– not as a cast-off woman, but as a treasured daughter with great value. After this encounter, Hagar began referring to God by a special name, “El Roi.” In Hebrew, El Roi means “the God who sees me.”
To a single mom: I know you know being seen is everything.
Does our God know us or what?!
CHOSEN FOR MORE
Okay, okay - so at this point, Hagar wasn’t exactly single yet. But after her encounter with God, she returns to Sarah and Abraham and things get worse. After the child promised to Abraham and Sarah is born, Sarah decides she’s done with the whole Hagar thing. Sarah demands that Abraham give Hagar and Ishmael the boot, for good.
Abraham is pained at the idea, but God assures Him He’s got plans for Hagar and Ishmael and that He will use their exile to see it all through.
With little food and water and no where to go, Hagar becomes terrified. Though she’d received this great promise from God so many years ago, she becomes convinced that she and the boy will die, forgotten and alone.
But in her doubt, God does not shame her. He draws near to her again. Comforts her again. And even when Hagar thought this was the end for her and Ishmael, in the wandering and isolation, God revealed Himself to them in even greater ways.
You can see Genesis 21 for the conclusion of the story, but let’s just say God makes good on His promise.
YOUR NEW NAME
Single motherhood is full of so much heartbreak. So much sorrow. So much confusion. There’s a spiritual wandering not unlike what Hagar experienced in the desert. In this kind of situation, it’s easy to feel like God has forgotten about you. That you’re not worth very much. That you’re done. Disqualified. Finito.
But in all I have seen God do in the wake of my own divorce and single motherhood season, I can tell you definitively that NONE of that is true.
Being alone has meant that I’ve had a lot more time to spend with God. And at first, it was really hard. There were times I became desperate and resentful. But in that time, God has been pursuing me. He’s been quieting my soul so I can hear His voice. And in that space, I’ve watched Him go to war against the lies that I’ve been believing about myself and heard Him speak over me the truth of what He thinks about me.
He has whispered to me my new name: Beloved. Delightful. Daughter.
In this brokenness, I have realized that God has seen me, wanted me, chosen me all along. He has desired this level of closeness with me from the start; it’s why He created me. And it’s a depth of relationship I didn’t even know I wanted, needed, until my life came apart. He chose to reveal Himself to me, to the extent that now, I finally can dare to believe I am who He says I am.
It’s taken a lot of years. A lot of doubt. Questions. Wandering. Surrendering (and thinking I’ve surrendered only to surrender again). But He has stayed by my side and led me in all of it. And with every passing year I see more and more that He has used this brokenness to set me fully free.
And this isn’t just for me – He’s taking you there too. This is what He does because it’s who He is.
We often think of figures from the Bible as really holy, perfect people. Like why would God bother to appear to just any old sinner? But Hagar wasn’t perfect. She made mistakes. And even after God gave her the most precious promises, she doubted. But God kept showing Himself to her. He didn’t chastise her, He blessed her with His presence and a new path for her life that was bigger than the one she had envisioned for herself. He wanted Hagar to know she was seen, and that her life had great value to Him.
And the same is true for you.
I can promise you this - God will give you bigger dreams for your life than you have for yourself. He is replacing what was lost – stolen – with better than what you can imagine. I know it can be hard to see, but since the days of Hagar, God has been choosing single moms just like you and me for greater things. And if you’ll press into His love, He will show you that He truly is, “The God Who Sees.”
