I founded The Life of a Single Mom® in 2011 with one simple goal – no single mom walks alone. Now, to be clear, no single mom actually does walk alone, because we know the Lord walks with her! But in the natural, physical sense, our ministry wants to see every single mother build a healthy community around her. Fast forward to today, more than 1,000,000 single mothers have used our services to connect to single mom support groups and events in churches! The idea of connecting single mothers to the local church was birthed from my own single motherhood story of isolation, poverty, and abuse, and the impact that a local church had on me, as I journeyed through unspeakable hardship.
Perhaps the most pressing motivation for this article is my deep love for the church – the collective body of Christ – and an equally deep love for the people of God in the local church, particularly single moms. Church is where I found the Lord, where many in my family likewise found Him. Church is where I found hope, friends, accountability, and mentorship. It has been the very place, where I found my calling, heard most clearly from the Lord, and have been challenged to live a life fully surrendered to Jesus. As the daughter of two deceased parents, my spiritual family has also most fully and assuredly been my family in so many ways. I have seen the value of the local church in the lives of single mothers, too! Hundreds of thousands of them! I believe single moms (and all Believers) should be planted in a local house of worship – whether traditional building or regular gathering of Believers in a home. There is accountability and wisdom and power found in such a gathering. (See Hebrews 10:25).
But there’s no denying the church has its fair share of problems – not the least of which is an attempt by culture to control the church and an unwillingness by the church to stand against this push. So, how do you know how to find the right church or if your church is being controlled by culture? Here are a few signs:
1. Fear of man.
A fear of man is a spiritual attack against the church, particularly its leadership, to keep them far more concerned with what others think than what God thinks. A fear of man causes church leadership to give pause when making decisions, for fear that others may be offended or angry. The need to “just be liked” can outweigh the courage of pursuing God. A fear of man can cause leadership to question instruction by the Lord. Did I really hear from God? What will they think? Will others be angry? While a healthy concern for the reaction of congregants on an issue is wise and many churches have a board of directors to assist with accountability and oversight, a fear of man drives church leaders to be motivated by worldly validation instead of heavenly mandate through the Holy Spirit.
2. Lack of reverance for the lord.
I love conferences and fun game nights and marriage workshops that integrate laughter. The joy of the Lord is indeed our strength. I love the creativity God has given to many among the body. We should smile and laugh in church. Christians should be joy-filled rather than sour-faced negative Nancys. We have much to rejoice in. However, my concern is when there is a flippancy about our worship service. Just another Sunday. Just another program. Just another Wednesday night Bible study. Just another church skit that lacks reverence and awe for the Father. No, it’s never “just another”. When we enter the house of God, there is a reverence that should be present – a sensitivity to the Word, a surrender to the Holy Spirit, a holy fear of His majesty. Chatting while the pastor delivers the word has become far too common. Many church goers feel far more comfortable standing in line at their church’s coffee shop as service is beginning, rather than rushing into service, before the first note is played – in reverence and expectation of what the Lord may do.
3. Ambiguity on real issues.
There are real issues facing the modern-day church and the world. Perversion is more rampant than ever before. There is identity crisis and war on the family and confusion. In lieu of rising up and taking our rightful place as leaders, many churches sadly skirt the issues of the day, avoiding any real discussion on their websites, social media, or from the pulpit about controversial topics. Churches may list their statement of beliefs, but they often don’t take the next step of addressing homosexuality, abortion, transgenderism, or other cultural issues affecting the day. Further, many avoid (seemingly) more complicated spiritual issues, such as deliverance, spiritual gifts, and women pastors, among others. These are all topics of which congregants (or potential ones) should have an idea where the church stands, but often do not get addressed in any public way, often due to cultural pressure and the fear of push-back.
4. Apologizing for the supernatural.
Our God is a mountain-moving God. His ways are far above ours, his thoughts higher. We do not and could not understand the mysteries of the Kingdom. While we must all discern for ourselves where to worship and what church denomination or teaching falls closest to what we believe the Word instructs, there must be room for the supernatural power of God to fill the place, even if that isn’t common in our church or denomination. God is in the healing, restoring, anointing, delivering, transforming business. If someone in your church is filled with a gift of the Spirit, e.g. tongues, prophesy, or interpretation, or perhaps becomes slain in the Spirit (overcome with God’s presence), or weeps loudly in worship as the Spirit leads, don’t apologize. Culture chases Ouija boards and Zen and New Moon ceremonies and Wicca and New Ageism and crystals and good vibes and horoscopes and countless occult practices in attempt to see supernatural power. And the church rarely even speaks out about this witchcraft. And yet, if Holy Spirit moves in a mighty way that may be uncommon in our place of worship, it almost seems like some churches feel they need to apologize for it. “I know you must think this is weird. I’m sorry if you are new. I don’t want to get weird or anything.” No. Why can’t people see the awe-inspiring hand of God supernaturally deliver a demoniac? Why can’t we see people healed of cancer? Why must we submit to culture because they seem to be the loudest?
5. Failure to follow the holy spirit.
The Holy Spirit leads and guides. Event plans and orders of service are fine. God is a god of order and I respect having a plan. (I’m type A, after all!) However, somewhere along the way, churches have forgotten to follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit. There’s no margin for a true move of God. We give 4 minutes for an altar call at the end of a service and if God doesn’t move, we proceed with the benediction. Where is the submission to the Spirit that may sometimes require a pastor to scrap his notes and surrender to the guidance from the Spirit? Is there a full surrender within your church to the guidance of the Holy Spirit? A willingness to rearrange an order of service or abandon it altogether, when prompted? Or has culture created a demand that requires your church to strictly adhere to the schedule, not exceed the 45-minute time slot, and not deviate from this month’s scheduled preaching series?
6. Concerned with programs over people.
I currently run a parachurch ministry, The Life of a Single Mom, that has worked with almost 2,000 churches and growing. I am all for programs. I believe that creating environments, Bible studies, and support groups that minister to the hearts of hurting people is a win, so let’s get that out there, first. However, facilitating dozens of programs isn’t the goal. Churches aren’t supposed to be social gatherings that fit in with the world. Evangelizing the Gospel to reach the lost and bringing hope to a hopeless world is the goal. Are the programs your church has implemented just another attempt to placate culture? To seem relevant? Cool? Or is your church concerned with the life change of Holy Spirit-filled Believers who are well- and adequately-equipped to take territory for the Kingdom?
