Take the Lead by Denise Adcock

I am an avid hiker and lover of the outdoors. When I’m not hiking, I spend my time biking, kayaking, or walking. Being in God’s beautiful creation brings me joy! As a single mom, I shared my love of nature with both of my children. All three of us had bikes, so several times a week we’d ride from our house to a nearby park and hit the trails. When I look back on this today, those trail rides were some of the best experiences we had together as a single-parent family. It helped us let go of our burdens and refocus on what mattered most, our precious family.

Being a mom requires courage and leadership. John Maxwell says, “A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” You may not realize it, but you are in a leadership position as a single mom. Why is that, you might ask? Because you have the power to change the course of your family. Being a great leader requires skill and confidence. I am going to share with you three skills you can use to become the leader your children need for such a time as this.

Lead by Example

“There is no more powerful leadership tool than your own personal example.” (John Wooten.)

Your children are watching you every day to see how you handle the current challenges your family faces together. The words you use are important, but the actions you take make the biggest difference. What are the most important lessons you want to teach your children? It could be faith, health, behavior, or something else. Whatever changes you want to see in your kids need to be exemplified by you first. Remember, you are the leader of your family!

To begin, let’s set goals for your family. The most effective type of goal, which yields the greatest success, is known as a SMART goal.

A SMART goal is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Below are some examples of SMART goals for the areas of faith, finances, and technology.

Schedule a 15-minute daily family devotional and then present your family’s concerns to the Lord in prayer. You can write your prayer requests in a journal. Follow up when answered.

Deposit $25 a month in a savings account for 1 year to be used for a future vacation or to start an emergency fund.

Spend 30 minutes a day, four times a week, exercising by taking a walk or riding a bike in your neighborhood. Keep a chart on your refrigerator to monitor your progress.

Set a daily 30-minute limit on watching TV, using a tablet, or iPhone, and spend that time together as a family discussing your day.

God gives us instructions about making plans in His word. Proverbs 16:3 states, “Commit your plans to the Lord and your plans will be established.” I encourage you to pray about the goals you set for your family to ensure they are God honoring.

You can be the leader of your family by encouraging your children to participate in the goal selection and then celebrating the achievements you make as a family. Be a leader through your example!

Lead with Core Values

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving all thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17

Core values are the beliefs and guiding principles that shape an individual’s behavior and decisions. As Christian single moms, our core values and beliefs should align with the Word of God. A great example to follow is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Leading with a set of Christian core values will help you and your children create realistic expectations and provide accountability for everyone in the family.

Here is a short list of core values found in Scripture: Love, faithfulness, hope, compassion, courage, integrity, community, excellence, service, generosity, respect, kindness, teamwork, and honesty.

As a single mom, I struggled with the discipline challenges from my two children, who had an absentee father. As the disciplinarian, I needed to set clear expectations for their behavior and choices. To be honest, this was one of the hardest parental responsibilities for me as a single mom. Leading your family will require clear boundaries and consequences when they are not followed.

I remember a sobering moment when I made the choice to discipline my son due to his disrespectful behavior toward my authority as his parent. Since respect, love, and kindness were part of our core values, I shared my issue with the pastor of our church, and he agreed that the consequences I chose were necessary and appropriate. Even though it was painful for me to administer the discipline, it was necessary for him to learn what was acceptable and what was not.

As a young child, I remember not wanting to disappoint my parents, especially my dad. He was the one who often said, “I am not here to be your friend. I’m here to make sure you understand that life has consequences and that your choices matter.” He was strong and consistent, and that is the example that I wanted to follow as a single mom. Doing the right thing in the moment will help produce children with strong core values and young people with character who can stand up for good in a broken and sinful world.

Lead by Casting a Vision

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs 29:18

As the leader of your family, it’s important that you set the course and cast a vision. This will take intentionality on your part as a solo parent. Below is a question you can use to brainstorm different vision ideas, and a few examples to get you started.

What kind of family do you want? My family will be a family that:

Serves the needy in our community.
Gives time to a non-profit.
Prays together.
Attends church regularly.
Shares what they have with others.
Likes to go on adventures.
Loves each other through word and deed.

Once your family values are chosen, take the next step and create a vision statement . A vision statement is a brief, clear summary that describes your family. You can change your vision statement as your family grows and matures. Here are several examples of family vision statements. Have fun doing this together!

Our family exists to love one another and to help those in need through our church and other non-profit organizations.

Our family will impact the world for Jesus Christ by serving one another and those who are homeless and need our help.

Our family has a unique and strong bond, and we face our challenges with love by spending time on outdoor adventures.

In closing, I pray for your success as you LEAD your single-parent family. You can do this with God’s help and the help of a church family. Remember, you are a leader, and your leadership can change the direction of your single-parent family!

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Meet The Author

Denise Adcock

Denise Adcock is an author, executive coach, leadership consultant, and speaker. She offers strategic planning for organizational development, increasing performance outcomes through her company, Healthy Business. As a coach, Denise helps her clients overcome professional roadblocks through customized coaching, accountability, and transformational leadership awareness. In her book, The Untold Stories of a Single Mother, Denise offers her readers hope and inspiration through personal stories that reveal the unconditional love of our Heavenly Father and her resilience during the challenging times of single parenting. Denise enjoys hiking, biking, and kayaking, and spending time with her four grandchildren. Check out her website at Deniseadcock.com.

Unstuck Ministries is a national faith-based nonprofit that exists to see bound women become free – free to parent well, free to manage their money effectively, and free in their spiritual and mental health. With over 1,000,000 women served, we offer a variety of programs and services that bring hope in Christ as the foundation to women everywhere, focusing in 3 key areas: Parenting, Finances, and Mental & Spiritual Wellness. While Unstuck Ministries exists to see women in all walks of life become free, the ministry is also the nation’s largest provider of Christian single mom curriculum. This includes launching thousands of single moms’ support groups in churches, offering life skills through Single Mom University®, and providing ministry leadership training & support. But we don’t stop there! We also host awe-inspiring women’s events and provide a variety of other support services to ensure all women remain unstuck, including videos, podcasts, articles, in-person events, webinars, books, and so much more.

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Take the Lead by Denise Adcock

Lead by Example

Lead with Core Values

Lead by Casting a Vision

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