“As I sit here in a room filled with hundreds of other Believers, I couldn’t feel more alone. I feel invisible in a sea of faces. Somehow, I feel very unseen. How did I get here? What did I do to deserve this level of loneliness? How will I ever move forward? My life isn’t going as I planned, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.” These words were penned by a friend of our ministry years ago. She had written that note to herself while sitting in a church filled with almost a thousand other people. It was during worship service and that sometimes awkward part of the service, where the pastor encourages everyone to meet and greet their neighbors, had just transpired. She looked around the room, and seemingly everyone else knew someone but her. Having just given birth to her second child, she found herself unexpectedly a single mom and the loneliness associated with that journey filled her with tears, as she shared that letter.
How can God grow us through loneliness?
As you pray let peace take over your mind. Peace and the single mom can help when you are stressed and need relief. HERE.The single mom who wrote that note was eventually able to find a small Bible study sometime after that, and the friendships she made there were ones that have lasted more than a decade now. But loneliness is not a condition that only affects the single mom or even a single person. It impacts us all. Sometimes, we can be sitting in a room filled with others, just like my friend was so many years ago, and feel completely and utterly alone. But it is in this time of loneliness that God can grow us in ways that we could’ve never imagined.
Consider the following:
1. Our intimacy with the Lord can increase during our times of loneliness. Think about the times in your life that you have been most busy, possibly during high school or college or a work deadline. It is likely you were surrounded by groups of people. It is during our busy season, maybe when there are lots of friends – or at least warm bodies – around, that we often think we don’t have time to have devotionals. Sadly, we can all get “too busy,” focusing on other things and forget to focus on the main thing – a relationship with the Lord. It has been during my times of loneliness that many have learned to greatly lean on the Lord for everything. Learning that Jesus truly is our best friend – not simply some cliche terminology that Christians like to use – is the best gift. Those times of intimacy are intensified during times of loneliness.
2. We learn more in the valleys. First, let us acknowledge that there are things to be learned on both the mountaintops and in the valleys. But let’s face it. There are just certain things that we seem to learn better on our worst days. When a child is small and repeatedly reminded not to touch the hot stove, it is not quite as effective as when they do actually touch the stove and suffer the consequences! There are times when we enter relationships with friends who aren’t leading us down a godly path or a boyfriend that isn’t following the Lord properly. We often know we shouldn’t, but sometimes, we disobey and ignore red flags. The loneliness and heartbreak that follows is unlike any other. There are things learned in valley of loneliness that are useful, even years later. Of course, we’re not suggesting that your loneliness is a result of something you have done wrong, rather simply highlighting that the depths of loneliness can fill us with an increased appreciation for relationships, once that season is over. Mountaintops can teach us humility. But valleys teach us perseverance, dependence on God, and endurance. Friends, there is something to be learned in the valley today.
3. Loneliness can be a time to work on ourselves. What are the things that you can work on in your own life right now? Could you improve your exercise routine or eating habits? Maybe this would be a good time to take a financial education class or invest in a hobby you enjoy. Are there things in your life that you need to work on, e.g. bad habits, spiritual immaturity, knee-jerk reactions?
Times of loneliness can be times of self-exploration and improvement, as we lean into the Holy Spirit’s guidance for our lives Maybe there was a time in your life in an old dating relationship that you made an idol out of man. Perhaps you put more value on a relationship with a person than you did on your relationship with God. This season could be the perfect time to evaluate those behaviors so that you can prevent them in the future. Or perhaps this time of loneliness is a time of pursuing and discovering God’s purpose for your life. God has given us all unique talents, skills, and gifts that can be used to improve the lives of those around us. What are yours? How can you use them for the glory of God? What are the things in your life that you could give back to others, and how would that, ultimately, improve your own life?
4. Being lonely can often promote a powerful quite time. Okay, so we admit it. There are times when prayer time with the Lord has been habitual and mundane, and other times, when it seems the power of God is raining down from Heaven like fire. The difference is often our expectation and willingness to see and hear from God. We get busy and lazy. The times when we are most desperate for Him – the times when wailing and crying and screaming for a breakthrough are most prevalent – are often the times when we hear Him most. Your time of loneliness may be an intentional stripping away of all things by the Lord so that you can grow in your walk with Him.
We don’t mean to minimize the pain or heaviness that can be associated with loneliness. Not at all. We don’t mean to even insinuate that a lonely season isn’t a hard season. It surely is. But think about Jesus out in the wilderness being tested by Satan. (See Matthew 4: 1-11). Consider how hard that season was for him – how lonely he must have felt. Yet, even in that loneliness, He never lost sight of his purpose on the earth and what he had been called to do. The same can be true for you.
Being alone isn’t a punishment. It’s actually sometimes necessary. As Christians, we often say, God created us for relationship. That is certainly true. There is great power in the gathering of Believers and meaningful connection. However, the first relationship has to be our one with the Lord.
This season of loneliness you are battling right now is merely a season. It will pass. But while you are in it, choose to see the growth opportunities. Circumstances can sometimes create isolation or unavoidable loneliness, but what if we began to view our times of loneliness as opportunities for growth?
