What To Do When Your Child Is Hurting by Jennifer Maggio

I was 14 years old when a dear friend’s father left her mother. She was devastated. The fighting had gone on for months. It had been tense at home, but she never imagined her parents would actually split. We stayed up and cried together many nights in those first weeks and months. We mourned the loss of the family that would never live in the same home again. We mourned what once was and what could now never be. I listened as she shared her pain and fears of what would eventually happen and how life would never be the same. Her pain became my pain. I just wanted to help her heal, and mostly, I just felt helpless.

My mother died when I was only 18 months old, so I knew the trauma of living without both parents all too well. I knew the financial challenges that would likely lie ahead for her family, the parties, or church events where it would hurt that both parents were not present, and the endless questions that would one day come from well-meaning friends asking where the “other” parent was. Through the years, God placed beautiful, loving adults in my life that helped me successfully navigate the hurt of losing a parent, the trauma of living with an alcoholic father, and more. Those adults included relatives and family friends, teachers and coaches, and parents of some of my best friends. Their parents became my parents in so many ways. Even now, as I think of all of my friends’ parents and how they acted as “mom” in my life through critical parts of my story, I am moved to tears.

Nothing is worse than when, as adults, we see a child is struggling, especially if you are a parent and it happens to be your own! If an adult has some type of hurt, trauma, disappointment, or a devastating circumstance, of course, it’s bad, and we sympathize. (Hopefully, we move forward to lend a helping hand or a listening ear, too). But let’s face it. There’s just something special and hard about a child – the beauty of what they could be, their innocence and sweet faces – that fills us with immense heartache when they are hurting. So what do you do when your child is hurting?

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Be There for Your Child.

As your child navigates disappointment, pain, abandonment, or rejection, be there. Be there in time. Be there in eye contact. Be present. Put the phone away. Eradicate the busyness of life. Be there. Open dialogue with your child about how they are feeling and what questions they may have. Be the support to your child that they desperately need. Sometimes, it isn’t about having all the right questions. It’s about being fully present. Your presence in a quiet room can make a world of difference.

2. Be a Listening Ear.

Let your child know that you care. Encourage age-appropriate conversation. Ask questions to display concern, but also don’t overwhelm with fix-it mom advise. Seek the Holy Spirit for wisdom. There are multiple layers to a struggle, and depending on what the child is struggling with, there could be multiple sides to the story. As mom, your main focus should be on displaying love, care, and warmth to your child and being a listening ear that can exhibit the love of Christ by simply being there. Wait upon the Lord to give you next steps and words.

3. Don't Try to Fix It.

Life gets messy, and problems get complicated very quickly. While there are certainly problems that need to be fixed immediately, specifically as it pertains to your child’s safety and well-being, it is also important to note that not every problem needs you to fix it. It isn’t our job to fix everyone and everything (although as moms we certainly think so, don’t we?) I don’t know about you, but some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in life have been through struggle and disappointment. The same will likely be true for your child. There are some life lessons that often come best through experience, pain, and struggle. Struggles help us build resilience and full dependence on the Lord. We learn the value of perseverance. We grow in many areas. Be careful not to attempt the fixing of things that the Lord is in the middle of teaching! Point your child to the One who can fix it all.

4. Point the Child to Jesus.

The deepest sorrows of our hearts only our Healer can mend. The largest mountains, our Savior, can move. The tears shed are bottled up and stored. (See Ps. 56:8). He cares more for our babies than we ever could, which seems impossible, doesn’t it? Continue to point your child in the direction of his/her Savior. This is a prime time to move forward in either strengthening his/her walk with the Lord or introducing him/her to our Savior. Certainly, we want to be age-appropriate with such discussions, but Jesus instructed us to come to Him when we are weary. (See Matthew 11:28-30). While we should be a source of comfort and hope for our children (and safety), let’s be careful not to usurp God in their lives.

5. Pray With and For Them.

Take the time to pray together as a family. Let your child know that their trust can be in the Lord and that He offers peace that the world does not understand. The more frequently we pray with and for our children, the more embedded this becomes into their lives and personal walks with their Heavenly Father as they become teens and young adults. Take the time to lift up the needs to the Lord and trust that He will direct the paths. Exhibit how to pray. Show them that even the toughest of problems, for which you have no answers or solutions, can be taken to the Lord, and He can provide a peace that just flows like a river through the situation.

While the pain of a child is heartbreaking, it can be a time of great growth for all involved – you and your child. While we cannot always understand the why, we can trust the Lord that He is always good and all-knowing and all-powerful to heal and rectify the pain.

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Meet The Author

Jennifer Maggio

Jennifer Maggio is an author, national speaker, business consultant, single parenting subject matter expert, and CEO of the national nonprofit, Unstuck Ministries. Maggio's personal story through homelessness, poverty, single parenting, and severe abuse has been shared in hundreds of media venues, including the New York Times, 700 Club, Power Women, Daystar, and countless others. After becoming an 11-time Circle of Excellence Winner in Corporate America, she left her corporate successes behind to serve over one million women with one mission - to see bound women become free in Christ. To learn more, visit jennifermaggio.com.

Unstuck Ministries is a national faith-based nonprofit that exists to see bound women become free – free to parent well, free to manage their money effectively, and free in their spiritual and mental health. With over 1,000,000 women served, we offer a variety of programs and services that bring hope in Christ as the foundation to women everywhere, focusing in 3 key areas: Parenting, Finances, and Mental & Spiritual Wellness. While Unstuck Ministries exists to see women in all walks of life become free, the ministry is also the nation’s largest provider of Christian single mom curriculum. This includes launching thousands of single moms’ support groups in churches, offering life skills through Single Mom University®, and providing ministry leadership training & support. But we don’t stop there! We also host awe-inspiring women’s events and provide a variety of other support services to ensure all women remain unstuck, including videos, podcasts, articles, in-person events, webinars, books, and so much more.

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