When You Don’t Agree with Your Ex About Video Games by Arlene Pellicane

Zack is a hyper six-year-old who loves playing video games. When he is at his dad’s house on the weekends, he can play as much as he wants. He and his dad play video games for hours together. But during the week at his mom’s house, Zack is only allowed to play games for one hour per day.

“Mom,” Zack complains.

“Why can’t I play more like I do at Dad’s house? I can’t wait to go back to Dad’s.”

Zack’s mom has explained there are different rules at Dad’s house and at her house. Naturally, she feels frustrated by her ex-husband’s more lenient screen time rules, and Zack feels frustrated because he can’t have what he wants.

Does this scenario sound familiar? When two adults are co-parenting like Zack’s mom and dad, they ideally will come together on what the screen time rules are going to be, making them as congruent as possible for the sake of their child. If Zack’s mom prohibits video games while his dad offers unlimited game time, Zack is going to get whiplash going back and forth between those settings.

She could ask Zack’s dad to reduce the screen time by an hour or two to meet somewhere in the middle. It is reasonable for Zack’s mom to set limits and say something like, “At our house, we aren’t going to play video games. I can’t control your father. He’s your father. Obviously he is going to do whatever he thinks is best for you. But I’m your mother, and I have to do what I think is best for you, too.”

It would be worth it for both parents to suggest getting together to set media guidelines that would give the kids a little more consistency between homes. You may want to get a counselor or pastor to sit down with you to help work out similar guidelines. Sometimes, this will be a success, and other times, no compromises will be reached because one parent may be more uncooperative. But it is always worth it to try for the sake of your child. Keep your child at the forefront. Don't speak ill of your child's father. Keep showing up and enforcing your boundaries within your household, and in time, your child will thank you for it.

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Meet The Author

Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker, host of the Happy Home podcast, and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, and Screen Kids. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, the Wall Street Journal and Focus on the Family. Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children. To learn more, visit her website at ArlenePellicane.com and check out her masterclasses at HappyHomeUniversity.com.

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